A Swedish father recently discovered that when their children needed to go to someone for support, fathers came in the fifth position. First on the list was mother, and father came after, ‘Have no one to go to.’ As a father, being deeply connected to your child, isn’t feeling that she can rely on you what you crave the most?
I was quite shocked, and sad and wondered: how can we help Gifted Men find their fatherly voice?
While it is essential to discuss the changes pregnancy create in a woman’s life, it is equally important to equip future fathers with the knowledge and tools, they need to be prepared.
Women often complain that their partners are not supportive enough with the management of the household, but, do we give our men a chance to find their own place in it; to contribute to it with their own unique skills? Do we fear that our partner will disappoint us or that they are incompetent?
In my opinion, Gifted Men make for excellent fathers. They can bring in unique attributes such as gentleness, empathy, creativity, and a sense of observation, that are not usually praised as ‘manly qualities’. Without being deprived of power, these Gifted Men beautifully blend male qualities with female qualities.
Perhaps because they are particularly drawn to questioning and complexity, or because they have high moral values, or because they strive for excellency and are generally altruistic, Gifted and Sensitive Men are well-positioned to help redefine what it means to be a father nowadays, and create a new normal for society.
As women, how can we encourage our partners in being the father they want to be? How can we help them safely express their stress and anxiety at their newfound role? How can we share with them what we know, what we instinctively inherited as daughters of mothers?
These men will not laugh at us or belittle us for being sensitive, tender and for caring about subtleties, On the contrary, they are eagerly waiting for our invitation and full approval. And since gifted men are so attuned to the implicit, we need to be clear with them that we trust them, and that we want their participation.
Asking often for their input, their opinions, and actively listening to them can be a good beginning.
Withdrawing, allowing them to try in their own way, to experiment and fine-tune their paternal gifts, can also help. They cannot progress if they are not able to test, and forge their way through trial and error.
Instead of knocking them with what they should do, what they did wrong, or what they need to improve, let’s trust them and give them space to experience what it means to be a father!
So often, men were raised to be in their head, to think and not feel, that it is frightening for them to dare, ‘Being a father’ – They may wonder: «How do I play with my daughter? How do I spend an afternoon alone with my son?» They may be disorientated at first, but over time, with their efforts, with our gentle encouragements, they will become good fathers.
Gifted men, your deep sensitivity, consideration for others and inventivity are tremendous gifts to forge a new, healthy role model for fathers, and I invite you to trust yourself fully and your ability to be great fathers.
How do you feel about fatherhood, and what would you like us, women, to know? Please share with us.
Marion Franc is a Mentor and Coach for gifted children, teenagers, and their parents. You can book your 30 minute complimentary session and explore working together, at: email@example.com
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Caring for the Gifted Child